WEEK 16 MKMMA

Realizing what a shift Perspective makes in my life. How many ways can this class help us to examine our thinking? Our lens?  Looking around and seeing So Many Humans Do Good Things… and also imagining, that if a crisis struck, I would see quite a bit of heroism Instantly…from a decent percentage of people.  Once I started studying psychology as a teenager I started saying to my family…I am amazed at what human beings contain within themselves, so much angst and pain…how is it that I haven’t seen a murder before my eyes?  When I was younger I was certain this was the work of myriad angels, that I just couldn’t see with human eyes. Then I started having greater and greater respect for what so many children go through…and so many of them try very hard not to pass on the worst of it. SO Many.  I suspect the truth involves both “angels” and evolution and the human spirit…  but it is so rare that this perspective is taken in the media. When we have our mass shootings, I don’t go to “evil”…I go to, isolation. Isolation is prison to humans.

Anyway…getting to look around and see really Great characteristics all around me, all day long…  is a nice perspective shift. As is now taking a few moments to look back over my day…and see kindnesses happening ALL THE TIME, in my friends and neighbors, in my clients, and in my personal choices during the day.  What a difference it makes now at 11:30 pm on a work night, for me to be tired from a non stop day, and say, its because I went above and beyond today. Not, I didn’t manage my boundaries or self care well.

There is a line in there too… to not give to depletion. To know my limits. To know what makes True Health Manifest for me.  The answer may be, an ongoing effort, with adjustments… toward balance. Maybe it’s not perfectly or permanently arrived at.

I think this class is testing limits of many many things. And I will be processing it I know, and integrating, and manifesting…and reading, for at least the 6 months following our graduation. Each exercise is like a little taste of a practice that could take center stage…

 

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WEEK 15 MKMMA

I LOVED A 90 MIN WEBBIE!  And…it was good to feel more caught up. I used the Break Well…and somehow having fun time and down time and holiday time…and space away from work… I rejuvenated and was able to take in More and Do More.  Being on the East Coast I wrestled with my DMP— do I really want to have a place in Manhattan and Hawaii?  Can I handle that?  Yes.  The vision is for Manhattan in the Summers (I love High Heat, I thrive in Jungle conditions). This trip I had several days upstate in 1-10 degrees…and frankly, handled it well coming from Hawaii.  But I Love the High Temperatures. I come alive.  This is possible of course having places in Hawaii and New York.   I had alone time at the Tree in Rockefeller Center…and Soaked up the decor and tourists.   I had a whole afternoon at the Moma, my favorite museum, and bought myself more NY things to have around the house…to support that item/vision in my DMP. That was fun.  I also am Allowing more in some relationships…didn’t push myself to see people I didn’t feel drawn too…didn’t push much at all actually, and that is also Growth for Greta- who loves her Drive.  Part of the DMP around True Health, is having a Full Life (It Always Is Full)- but having BALANCE and more RELAXATION, That has not ever been true.  And somehow I did that this trip!!! I put energy into the connections I wanted…and didn’t elsewhere…and that Flowed.

And this will be the first weekend in January…and I committed in my DMP to Not Doing Work on Saturdays or Sundays. This has required a major overhaul…but I am Sticking to it.  This Saturday and Sunday will be for R&R.  I can BARELY BELIEVE IT, But I made the Promise and I Will Do It!  I must say… my heart is beating with anticipation at that coming in…It feels miraculous to me. What a Shift For Greta…and what she allows for Herself.  There will also be 8 hours of pleasure Outside of the House. This will involve the coffee shop… walking on my ocean path… and who knows what else yet.  There will not be TV time!  Woo Hoooooo! This starts a new adventure for me.

I have to say too… having certain juicy nuggets memorized now:  Today I begin a New Life. Failure like pain is Alien to My Life. I form Good Habits and I Become their Slave. I greet this day with Love in My Heart. I Will Persist Until I Succeed. Give more, Get More.  And now, I am Nature’s Greatest Miracle (that one needs some more deepening still in me…) Anyway, my one sentence DMP and these phrases now…get repeated All The Time. This too creates this incredible High when I say them.  They are IN! Watch Out World.

Week 14 MKMMA East Coast.

So interesting playing catch up on the extra readings. The readings sometimes make me feel Drunk with Pleasure… it is Fascinating to read things that have been around for more than a century…and to feel So Divinely Inspired.  When I wake up in a cranky mood…and really focus on Positivity… Gratitudes… my Blessings, and then: MY POWER…To Turn the Day Into ANYTHING I WANT.  I get incredibly high. And I Immediately Get Gifts from the outside.  Find the perfect thing I needed while shopping at the last moment, deeply on sale.  Free food from the airline and an offer for a free overnight… when getting delayed.  Feeling bad about having let certain relationships slide a bit since starting MKMMA… since using so much free time for this mental attitude and new daily habits…and then these people reaching out over the holidays to share love and connection- easily!   Being in the old family blueprint…and somehow…. stepping out quickly too… retaining my position of helpfulness, positive example…with key players who are in decades old entanglements… but I’m not. Being in it and not at the same time…retaining perspective.  Getting taken care of SOOOOO sweetly by others…cooked for, lovely gifts… splurges I wouldn’t have allowed myself… (like the new Soda Stream!).   So much more.  So much more.  There is indeed a large compounding effect happening. And I am still not doing all of the homework at 100%. Although… it is and will all get done, just some of the assignments delayed. That part I know. I do things thoroughly… and then They Are Really Done…  and, I get pleasure out of doing them this way. (And I’m a True Blue). Anyway…  these readings make me feel like I have been invited to the table of the most beloved Ancestors …Elders…  Council of Wise Beings…  who are Outside of Time. What could be more delicious than That?!

Start of WEEK 13 MKMMA -CoCreation Reminder…before traveling “Back” East.

Oh Boy… throwing my DMP in the Trash – OUCH!  That exercise worked immediately.  I winced and had to look away.   That was Super Helpful.  That DMP is Alive and Pulling Me. What is in the trash is stagnation.

Also… want to comment on my self assessment tool done a couple weeks ago, I broke the 30 barrier. That was exciting for me!

Self Pep Talk and Encouragement Needed Again, so repeating myself as a reminder, GRETA, You are In the Right Place. Stay Focused Honey.

Until I moved to Hawaii 6 years ago, I Always had big concrete goals.  And I met them, and many of them took years of hard work to pull off. When I came to Hawaii my goal was to Recup a bit from 11 years of grad school and intense work simultaneously, And, to open a private practice On My Own Terms. I did this. Each year there is another way I improve the business and my self management/Self care…while caring for others.  But a couple years ago I hit a lull, wondered if it was like a midlife crisis. Wondered if I was hiding a bit here in this little oasis… from the rest of the world. It is easy to get lost in the gorgeous-ness and good life, of Kauai.  My family and friends still felt/feel I was working too hard, not doing enough self care (I think my lifestyle can challenge others, that is Good!)… but, I felt a bit of existential boredom, like that which I used to feel on my summer breaks from school.  I put the word out to the universe and waited for a nudge. MKMMA was it.  I felt that solar-plexus “pull” and those pulls show up when I am at a crossroads… and I have learned to trust these body signals implicitly.  So Here I Am.  This is why I am keeping going…despite physically feeling challenged for several weeks.  I have never let feeling sick make a decision for me. But I am listening to my internal compass too, as I keep going.  Co-Creating Life with the Divine is the Bomb!

 

 

 

Week 12 MKMMA

Loved doing the “accomplishment” cards. That one was so easy and There’s So Many!  Added my one sentence DMP to my mirror and as a new bookmark and to my car… where my ‘I love you’ positivity driving card/ mental diet exercise remains quite active.  Loved the exercise in the mirror with that one sentence DMP–loved adding that to my recordings on my phone…which get listened to multiple times a day…whenever in the car, and at the gym via my head phones.  I’m flooding my ears with my highly emotional excited certainty voice…with Og and BPB and DMP different versions.  Those recordings are a lifesaver for me.

I also got really physically ill this week. A rare occurrence in my life actually. For a month I felt I was battling something, but then succumbed this week.  I have no memory of ever cancelling clients, but did and needed days at home.  I still feel quite compromised, but am rolling with that too.  I am keeping going. I don’t feel I have a choice at this point, and that feels DAMN GREAT.  I feel the process happening around and inside of me.

MKMMA WEEK 11 – 1 Sentence DMP

 

Can Write This Now: after saying and saying and Saying It Again, and recording it…and doing spinal movements to it…  which sent me whirrrrlllling.

Somehow it boiled itself down to it’s essence… and I know the colors and sensory details:

“I LOVE My FULL RICH HEALTHY LIFE in NEW YORK and HAWAII with My INCREDIBLE HUSBAND, CHILDREN, and PETS ALL AROUND ME!”

 

 

WEEK 10 MKMMA – my truth this moment

HALLELUJAH FOR A BREATHING BREAK.  The pace is Too Fast for me to feel like I am doing it all well.  The daily / weekly homework list in our workbooks… I can’t even look at some days. But: What am I successfully doing Daily, even when exhausted, sleep deprived for days, or feeling sick? Og DMP BPB. These three things are Incredibly Soothing to Me…and grounding, and focusing, and they get done regardless because they are recorded in my own voice – and on my phone- so when driving, walking, or exercising on a machine…I am listening. Some days I am averse to reading the gal in the glass… but glance at it anyway…as it is Right There on The Bathroom Mirror… so trying to give myself permission to do things even when I have a bad attitude. Consistency. Consistency!

I had a commitment the last 6 months of 2017 to really up my income, because of getting assessed for a mortgage in 2018. I was already working incredibly hard before that commitment, then I signed up for MKMMA based on a sweet facebook post…and an application asking for a commitment to meetings on Sundays.  I committed, I’m in, I’m committed to my DMP, I pulled that out of my ribs to get it right… even though it scares the shit out of me to say it clearly, to own it, to post it. Because I can barely imagine the extra energy or time to do More. So I soothe my anxiety by FAITH in my subconscious, and in my guide, and in our course leaders. Even when another part of me grumbles. Anyway, I’ve upped my generosity, Give More Get More Is In Me Now.  I’m doing it. I’ve massively upped my exercise, this has added several hours to my schedule… I’m working on my eating… getting cleaner, stricter…did so well on Thanksgiving, and frankly, easily.

Getting Hawaii house is part of the DMP. Getting healthier is now a stated lifelong goal, and all in that DMP is on my mind Daily. I make choices in the moment with DMP Wants In Mind.  This is a Great Effort.

But for now, I am Wiped Out.

 

 

 

 

Week 9 MKMMA

Overwhelm. Not dropping any of my personal goals which I had prior to MKMMA, Swimming hard in the water now trying to figure out what to focus on, and what to do to relieve the pressure…and which goal point(s) to fully swim towards. Trying to still do “all” of them, but in exhaustion.  Don’t enjoy not keeping up super well with everything “assigned”, although I will wrestle to give myself permission with that to continue. No Need to Feel Bad about Good Efforts, and ultimately, only I get to decide on the evaluation of my efforts. Only Me.  With PPNs like True Health and Liberty, my commitment is to Increasing Balance, decreased over-work, and Listening More To My Internal Compass, as to what my pace is and What’s Great For Me.  This is deeply empowering, and in my life’s history, when I allow an authority figure to derail me, its not pretty for me, and then I must make amends with My Self.  When I let someone else dictate when I Should Be Dictating, my health suffers in some way.  I am Here for GRETA’s TRUE HEALTH, and GRETA’S TRUE LIBERTY.

WEEK 8 MKMMA-This Stuff Works.

Forgiveness… that theme is all around me this week. My clients are bringing it up, Doing it. My guide brought it up, apropos, in response to my post last week. Yes, still some anger in there.  So It’s on my tackle list now. But even without starting that forgiveness practice around my core stuff… my core people who need me to forgive them. Well…I need me to forgive them, and it will be Great for me, and probably helpful for them…wherever they are, incarnate or not.  Without starting that process I got the opportunity to forgive someone else last week, and it really surprised me, and was a total gift, AND, it was Very Easy.

I was in Starbucks grabbing a coffee, and saw a woman who really really disliked me. More like hated me actually, for two whole years, several years ago.  At the time I was dating her ex-husband, and they had a son, age 11, and this son seemed to really like me initially, as did his father, and this woman had a tough time with that. She hadn’t met me, but did a lot of hurtful things to sabotage my relationship with her ex.  And she made it impossible for her son to like me. That was the torturous part for me, my presence was bringing more pain to this innocent kid.

Having not met me this made it easier for me not to take this personally. I understood her feelings of threat, they were real.  But it hurt. She was clearly suffering a lot of ways in her own life, and that was extremely obvious too.

Anyway, I saw her in Starbucks and smiled at her, and she came over to talk, she is quite a talker about herself, but in the middle of her talking she looked away sheepishly and said quietly, “Im sorry for behaving so badly toward you.” And in that second, it was all GONE. Over. I grabbed her and hugged her and whispered in her ear, “Its Okay, I forgive you.” And we both cried. And then…she launched back into her talking all about her. And after about 15 minutes I had to go.

That chapter ended nicely.

W-o-w.

Just my THINKING ABOUT FORGIVING SOME CORE HURTS, And, two weeks of getting upset at anonymous drivers then instantly yelling to them and myself inside my car, “I mean, I Love You! Have a Good Day” 6 or 7 times….. brought that gift to me.

This stuff works.

I will start with a list of who I need to ask for forgiveness of me… that seems Right.

 

Week 7 Additional Dregs.

Tackling negative thinking where it is So Overt (and Unflattering), when I drive. Old Habits die hard. As I was doing my positive reframe this week, boy did I get angry at “having to do that” one moment. I surprised myself with my anger level!  I was 15 again, omnipotent, thinking I Know It All, And I won’t be Suppressed!  Ouch.  Good to see and also, surprised at the force with which I want to be Angry. Only My Father could stir that in me. And only when he was smiling at me, telling me I couldn’t do something, and enjoying his power.  Yuck.  Good to know that still makes me Mad, Good to Know I feel that strongly about my attachment to My Anger. Although now, Id rather not do that to my blood pressure and adrenals and immune system…because someone cuts me off in traffic.

Today’s webcast was helpful, it makes it more likely that I will do the thing I’ve known for 3 years I Should do (another theme in the webcast, most of us know what we Should be Doing!) Anyway, for years I have been saying to myself… I should Leave 15 minutes earlier, to be RELAXED driving in to work. Now that I am saying this here to ALL OF YOU, I am more likely to do it. 🙂 So Thanks!

I was having trouble coming up with positive reframes for my various driving Injustices (Still wallowing)- and then today I realized- It just needs to be a complete frame of mind each time I get behind the wheel, that I say I Love You, I hope you have a good day/night… to all those cars…  that is much easier. Take Control of my state of mind when I start.   I will try writing a prompt on my dashboard. Maybe just “I Love You.”

Also, I am saying Yes to new opportunities that potentially relate to my DMP. Soooooooo I accepted a first date last week, with 30 minutes to prepare- 30 minutes after my Tribe Call. Was I exhausted? Yes. Exhilarated too? YES. Worth it? OF Course. Must practice Saying Yes!   I am also saying NO to things which feel like a distraction, like my Book Club. I don’t like reading fiction, it is a fiction book club, but I love my bookmate girlfriends. So I told them I was leaving the club, they said, please stay and come to meetings, just don’t read the books.  That made me feel Loved! And, allowed me to be Me!

Lastly, but not “leastly” – I had another terrified moment in the middle of the night last night. Also childhood bodily states, as were nightmares. So a nightmare doozy, the general I’m going to get murdered kind- Yay.  But after hours walking watching the sunrise along the ocean I really let it set in, I am Not in Danger, I must be Deeply Changing. Deep Change often Triggers Deep Terror. No Shame in That, but good to know its source.  My Ego may be in a bit of danger, but she will be okay too.  Maybe I’m dying again to be Reborn, Again. I Love When That Happens.