In trying to commitment weekly things to my Mastermind Alliance Partner (where scheduling is still an issue) – I am deeply grateful to be setting up longer term accountability with another human. Accountability to myself and only myself would be grand…but I also know, I hold myself accountable to So Much Each Day… and do tons, and feel incredibly proud of myself. So, when I have to push myself even more… and that means many days in a row dont have any relaxation in them, having a partner to Commit and Report to, works.
This is also why I have so Appreciated classmates/tribe mates positivity, Weekly saying to us (Thank You Rip! And Jack for your Always Encouraging Comments! And Gena for your heart-full Truth) Its Not what you didn’t do, Its What You Did Do! This energy has kept me going in this course, and has let me decide, what’s in this for me, and how I’ve done. There is much I will continue on in practice…April and Beyond. But Constitutionally, I have definitely Changed… inside out. Thanks MKMMA. Mostly for your Mana.
Obituaries… there is so much even in the photos isn’t there?! You can do these quick assessments too…watching older people in the world. You can tell by the wrinkles and the posture…how much of their life they smiled or not. If they were able to stand tall,…or not. Finding a way to love and honor this mystery of the diversity in life – and lives lead- is really important to having any personal peace. But chasing after your heart’s desire with all you have… will always be worth it. Regardless of what you “achieve.” As I watch all these Olympic hopefuls be interviewed, and I can see them pumping themselves up with Capability, with Learning from past losses, with Certainty that they will bring it. I am filled with admiration at their Total Commitment. This way even if they come in last… they can hold their head high, knowing they gave it all they got.
This is my Challenge and this week’s Inspiration to Myself. These international athletes. Inspiration is Everywhere.
Really thinking about the wrap up of this course, and the incredible focus I have gained internally, on a few important things that I want and feel that I truly deserve. I am fully aware it is my commitment to action and to firm belief/conviction, that will bring these Dreams into Manifestation. This course of course has me cleaning up a lot of other needed (potentially conflicting/draining) areas in my life…and that feels Right. I am into regular exercise and strength training again, after I had taken a couple years off from that. I am Back in that realm. True Health is Beckoning, physically, emotionally and relationally.
In my work I am trusting my impulses and instincts more and more, and allowing those who are interested in similar paths in life…to move in closer. I am saying no to people in many different areas of my life… where I don’t feel important resonance. This too has freed up energy and time. I am listening to myself more and more. That practice is Priceless – to someone who runs on liberty and autonomy!
For this class, I am focusing on the parts that deeply pull me, Only. I am grateful for the compass reset this class has brought, and to the Universe or My Subby who brought this class, when I put out a call last year for the next interesting phase.
Where am I right now internally as we close out 2/3rds of the class soon?
What is churning in here?
This Heroes Journey Class – Again – in my life. I have loved this archetypical journey/story/map since I first heard of it in my 20s. In mini-intro lessons with using tarot and major arcana… this map has intrigued me, and I’ve always “picked” cards that really captured where I was at at the time in any “struggle.” And I think this concept has helped me stick through very difficult circumstances in my past – because I could imagine the sense of victory or completion I would feel when I obtained my goal. That victory image felt like incredible Soul Celebration. Completing certain educational blocks. Freeing myself from a particular ascribed familial role. Tolerating certain abusive bosses because I needed to fulfill a requirement for something. A romantic entanglement. This decision-making has been confusing in my life: when to “tolerate” uncomfortable things, and when that has maybe been masochistic… when to stay or go, when to quit or endure, when to give up or persevere. I still have confusion about this at times. And these are questions That Only I Can Ever Answer, not a mentor, not a therapist, not my best friend, not my lover – Only My Soul Can Answer Each Time I am Challenged that Way. So what has always been clear…is a certain directional gut pull… and it was from that place that I tried to write my DMP. Fully aware… that something Better or More Appropriate May Show Up… But my part was strong accurate internal compass work… deep listening. When I listen to the guidance to stay or go…I NEVER REGRET IT. Does it upset me that some growth has felt very painful, even excruciating in the process? Yes. Does it feel unavoidable at times? Yes. Can painful growth be avoided? I’m truly not sure in this human map. I do know it has been worth it. And I do know it is deeply liberating to feel one is “choosing” something rather then being just the helpless victim of something really hard.
I am now trying to change up very serious long held daily patterns… how I use my time, how I drive, how I schedule Play. How much I WANT to Work, versus Have To. I had some commitments to myself prior to this class…that I have not let slip, while adding many new commitments with this class. Some are in conflict and I am in the Ring duking it out. I am in this Tug now… in my daily decision-making. I have not and will not lose sight of this DMP. I do not get the pull to change it in anyway. My part is the “sacrifices” which really are the “promises” I made… to shift. I am working on these, and I am growing Stronger. Liberty and True Health…True Norths…have moved into my house and consciousness. They are welcome Guests. What a Thrill…!
Am feeling very pulled/directed by my PPNs and DMP…. feels like such a good place to keep my efforts. Liberty and Autonomy feel necessary, foundational, for my true mental and therefore physical health. This has been interesting to realize and difficult at times to grant myself, as it means I let others down, I disappoint… but truthfully, there is so much validation that comes from me listening to my own inclinations that the personal fulfillment of truly taking care of myself overshadows others’ disappointment or frustration. This has been liberating!
As has freedom from the concept that I am supposed to be deeply sated by Helping Others. Such a family belief, and service is a wonderful value. But I have limits with helping others… and I like to get paid for it too. I can’t imagine doing unfulfilling work, I am deeply blessed for what I do. But, Liberty/True Health, are about the Freedom Of My Soul and Body. The reaching for my own massive self expression.
I have been working out intensely more often. I have been cleaning out my space and possessions… I have been making room for change. I have been pushing my limits with work efforts…to save for home downpayment. I feel in the right place… And it is So Good To Listen to Myself!
Realizing what a shift Perspective makes in my life. How many ways can this class help us to examine our thinking? Our lens? Looking around and seeing So Many Humans Do Good Things… and also imagining, that if a crisis struck, I would see quite a bit of heroism Instantly…from a decent percentage of people. Once I started studying psychology as a teenager I started saying to my family…I am amazed at what human beings contain within themselves, so much angst and pain…how is it that I haven’t seen a murder before my eyes? When I was younger I was certain this was the work of myriad angels, that I just couldn’t see with human eyes. Then I started having greater and greater respect for what so many children go through…and so many of them try very hard not to pass on the worst of it. SO Many. I suspect the truth involves both “angels” and evolution and the human spirit… but it is so rare that this perspective is taken in the media. When we have our mass shootings, I don’t go to “evil”…I go to, isolation. Isolation is prison to humans.
Anyway…getting to look around and see really Great characteristics all around me, all day long… is a nice perspective shift. As is now taking a few moments to look back over my day…and see kindnesses happening ALL THE TIME, in my friends and neighbors, in my clients, and in my personal choices during the day. What a difference it makes now at 11:30 pm on a work night, for me to be tired from a non stop day, and say, its because I went above and beyond today. Not, I didn’t manage my boundaries or self care well.
There is a line in there too… to not give to depletion. To know my limits. To know what makes True Health Manifest for me. The answer may be, an ongoing effort, with adjustments… toward balance. Maybe it’s not perfectly or permanently arrived at.
I think this class is testing limits of many many things. And I will be processing it I know, and integrating, and manifesting…and reading, for at least the 6 months following our graduation. Each exercise is like a little taste of a practice that could take center stage…
I LOVED A 90 MIN WEBBIE! And…it was good to feel more caught up. I used the Break Well…and somehow having fun time and down time and holiday time…and space away from work… I rejuvenated and was able to take in More and Do More. Being on the East Coast I wrestled with my DMP— do I really want to have a place in Manhattan and Hawaii? Can I handle that? Yes. The vision is for Manhattan in the Summers (I love High Heat, I thrive in Jungle conditions). This trip I had several days upstate in 1-10 degrees…and frankly, handled it well coming from Hawaii. But I Love the High Temperatures. I come alive. This is possible of course having places in Hawaii and New York. I had alone time at the Tree in Rockefeller Center…and Soaked up the decor and tourists. I had a whole afternoon at the Moma, my favorite museum, and bought myself more NY things to have around the house…to support that item/vision in my DMP. That was fun. I also am Allowing more in some relationships…didn’t push myself to see people I didn’t feel drawn too…didn’t push much at all actually, and that is also Growth for Greta- who loves her Drive. Part of the DMP around True Health, is having a Full Life (It Always Is Full)- but having BALANCE and more RELAXATION, That has not ever been true. And somehow I did that this trip!!! I put energy into the connections I wanted…and didn’t elsewhere…and that Flowed.
And this will be the first weekend in January…and I committed in my DMP to Not Doing Work on Saturdays or Sundays. This has required a major overhaul…but I am Sticking to it. This Saturday and Sunday will be for R&R. I can BARELY BELIEVE IT, But I made the Promise and I Will Do It! I must say… my heart is beating with anticipation at that coming in…It feels miraculous to me. What a Shift For Greta…and what she allows for Herself. There will also be 8 hours of pleasure Outside of the House. This will involve the coffee shop… walking on my ocean path… and who knows what else yet. There will not be TV time! Woo Hoooooo! This starts a new adventure for me.
I have to say too… having certain juicy nuggets memorized now: Today I begin a New Life. Failure like pain is Alien to My Life. I form Good Habits and I Become their Slave. I greet this day with Love in My Heart. I Will Persist Until I Succeed. Give more, Get More. And now, I am Nature’s Greatest Miracle (that one needs some more deepening still in me…) Anyway, my one sentence DMP and these phrases now…get repeated All The Time. This too creates this incredible High when I say them. They are IN! Watch Out World.
So interesting playing catch up on the extra readings. The readings sometimes make me feel Drunk with Pleasure… it is Fascinating to read things that have been around for more than a century…and to feel So Divinely Inspired. When I wake up in a cranky mood…and really focus on Positivity… Gratitudes… my Blessings, and then: MY POWER…To Turn the Day Into ANYTHING I WANT. I get incredibly high. And I Immediately Get Gifts from the outside. Find the perfect thing I needed while shopping at the last moment, deeply on sale. Free food from the airline and an offer for a free overnight… when getting delayed. Feeling bad about having let certain relationships slide a bit since starting MKMMA… since using so much free time for this mental attitude and new daily habits…and then these people reaching out over the holidays to share love and connection- easily! Being in the old family blueprint…and somehow…. stepping out quickly too… retaining my position of helpfulness, positive example…with key players who are in decades old entanglements… but I’m not. Being in it and not at the same time…retaining perspective. Getting taken care of SOOOOO sweetly by others…cooked for, lovely gifts… splurges I wouldn’t have allowed myself… (like the new Soda Stream!). So much more. So much more. There is indeed a large compounding effect happening. And I am still not doing all of the homework at 100%. Although… it is and will all get done, just some of the assignments delayed. That part I know. I do things thoroughly… and then They Are Really Done… and, I get pleasure out of doing them this way. (And I’m a True Blue). Anyway… these readings make me feel like I have been invited to the table of the most beloved Ancestors …Elders… Council of Wise Beings… who are Outside of Time. What could be more delicious than That?!
Oh Boy… throwing my DMP in the Trash – OUCH! That exercise worked immediately. I winced and had to look away. That was Super Helpful. That DMP is Alive and Pulling Me. What is in the trash is stagnation.
Also… want to comment on my self assessment tool done a couple weeks ago, I broke the 30 barrier. That was exciting for me!
Self Pep Talk and Encouragement Needed Again, so repeating myself as a reminder, GRETA, You are In the Right Place. Stay Focused Honey.
Until I moved to Hawaii 6 years ago, I Always had big concrete goals. And I met them, and many of them took years of hard work to pull off. When I came to Hawaii my goal was to Recup a bit from 11 years of grad school and intense work simultaneously, And, to open a private practice On My Own Terms. I did this. Each year there is another way I improve the business and my self management/Self care…while caring for others. But a couple years ago I hit a lull, wondered if it was like a midlife crisis. Wondered if I was hiding a bit here in this little oasis… from the rest of the world. It is easy to get lost in the gorgeous-ness and good life, of Kauai. My family and friends still felt/feel I was working too hard, not doing enough self care (I think my lifestyle can challenge others, that is Good!)… but, I felt a bit of existential boredom, like that which I used to feel on my summer breaks from school. I put the word out to the universe and waited for a nudge. MKMMA was it. I felt that solar-plexus “pull” and those pulls show up when I am at a crossroads… and I have learned to trust these body signals implicitly. So Here I Am. This is why I am keeping going…despite physically feeling challenged for several weeks. I have never let feeling sick make a decision for me. But I am listening to my internal compass too, as I keep going. Co-Creating Life with the Divine is the Bomb!
Loved doing the “accomplishment” cards. That one was so easy and There’s So Many! Added my one sentence DMP to my mirror and as a new bookmark and to my car… where my ‘I love you’ positivity driving card/ mental diet exercise remains quite active. Loved the exercise in the mirror with that one sentence DMP–loved adding that to my recordings on my phone…which get listened to multiple times a day…whenever in the car, and at the gym via my head phones. I’m flooding my ears with my highly emotional excited certainty voice…with Og and BPB and DMP different versions. Those recordings are a lifesaver for me.
I also got really physically ill this week. A rare occurrence in my life actually. For a month I felt I was battling something, but then succumbed this week. I have no memory of ever cancelling clients, but did and needed days at home. I still feel quite compromised, but am rolling with that too. I am keeping going. I don’t feel I have a choice at this point, and that feels DAMN GREAT. I feel the process happening around and inside of me.